Love shouldn't give the other side exert pressure time such as love such as

Love, shouldn't give the other side exert pressure time such as love such as

According to the reports of newspaper, a boy of Senior Three of middle school of Dianjiang in Chongqing courts a girl in public, after being refused by the girl, boys jump off from the third floor right away. It is not unique, in apartment of some students of famous university, an unreasoning passion boy goes down on one's knees and pays court to to a girl, claim if
The other side does not promise not to stand up, kneel finally and bleed to the knee
Psychological expert think the " since cruel " Or " coerce " Courtship way reflect it is bad and not lasting psychological characteristics fail since party is baffle ability. The expert says, it needs to study too to pay court to, the most basic principle should be " sincere and equal " .
Courtship is that one kind is coerced to kneel
During these years, a kind of courtship behavior on a grand scale is very popular in the campus, hang banners, put the balloon, put flowers, go down on one's knees. Someone is for playing for the gallery, someone does not know either how to pay court to.
Let's hear in Guangzhou psychological director of referral centre psychological consultation teacher Zheng QiJuan is thought, can't " afford to kneel " It is not unreasoning passion, but a kind of " coerce" not to be romantic when paying court to the way The behavior, this kind of behavior has deep " origin of growing up " ,Involved in course of growth with home education.
Usually parents pay the child " Conditional to love " ,Then will appear in child's love or marriage in the future " Discuss the condition " Easy,for example "no because that promise, on what I is be " . In addition, the ability to deal with setback is relatively bad, do not dare to face the result failing, escape the setback, hold " be unable to fail to can only succeed in " Attitude come force the other side compromise.
Love, need to be sincere and equal
Can't " afford to kneel " Courtship in way rich sympathize with. Ones that go down on one's knees and does not only show others, see oneself too - --"You see how I love you. Unless you are ironhearted, you should not bear to refuse me " .
But once establish the love relation obtained because of sympathizing with, will find he has a characteristic - --Rich need that sympathize with piece enough. It is long, nobody only pays forever without asking and reciprocating. Once you pay little for him, he will great grievance have, you will see I " jump out of the building " for you , " go down on one's knees " ,You can't be in arrears of me! If dissatisfied the repayment will even produce the act of violence.
Zheng QiJuan thinks, " the love question is actually the outstanding embodiment of the psychological problem, for example the person whose personality overly relies on, will especially rely on the love; If especially felt self-humiliation before, the psychology feeling self-humiliation in the love will be shown especially out; There were three points of jealousies in the past, may have eight points of jealousies at the time of the love. Loves will all all enlarge these things. "
What if paying court to coercing type?
Face one " Death twines and makes excessively " Pursuit target,no, because not will repugnant in child in young girl and not detest, pressure multiplication. Zheng QiJuan says, if someone has taken while coercing the way to pay court to, the girl is calm at first, tell the other side not to " like this way. Without loving oneself attentively, it is very difficult to obtain others' love " . First steady, his excited mood, and transmit to a kind of information of the other side: Oneself is threatened, but will not promise easily. The purpose to do it in this way lies in lightening such behavioral benefit of his. When can not benefit in a kind of behavior, there is no motive force continued again.
Secondly, should refuse gently and firmly, can't let it see your heart deposits and sympathizes with and hesitates. Zheng QiJuan reminds, while refusing the other side, can't injure him. Unless usually people will because agitated and repugnant, it say by some that hurt one's feeling,such as "you how disagreeable, behavior is getting more shameless very " Wait a moment, may stimulate its too drastic behavior in this way and even initiate the incident of violence.


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