Love when being less than

Love, when being less than
Marry after the husband, I think oneself can to second man diligently. However, after getting married, I find this is wrong. Getting married soon, I ceaselessly begin in the dream and the same man pesters. This man or extremely worried resentment is looking at me; Or will be from having me gently behind. He speak never, but he light to gather around, let me wake up, can feel to gather around one life in dream. This let heart of me always, ache but not quiver. Such a situation has lasted more than one year, I was afraid at last. I begin to indulge in MengZhong to be unwilling to wake up. It is sober that I have already surpassed attachment to night in the daytime. I wish eagerly to communicate with this man; Wish eagerly can there is one that is resolved in the dream in the stories of he and I; The heart wishing eagerly I feel ashamed and regretful can receive some comfort in the dream. Because I recognize this man, moreover, have been nourishing the apology to him all the time. Gentle gift the intersection of high school and classmate of me, see his first day, have feeling not speaking clearly between us. That kind of feeling is mysterious and happy, I am shy to follow my expression in one's eyes to him constantly, also the one that liked not to know how to cover him up was shown. However, at that time, it was kind to a person that we were all so simple as to only know how to go, but does not know how to avoid the injury. The second half year in Senior One, gentle gift sit get me at one's side in one break, say to me: "I celebrate birthday this Sunday, will you come? " My intuition is refusing, there is not any purpose ground. Connect the intersection of what and I with, dare to speak to him at ordinary times, moreover, is going to participate in the birthday party. He is very patient, tells me that he has invited many classmates, I will not feel constrained. I can refuse, I have not looked for any reason, I refuse him in front of classmates very simply, I say: "I do not go. " Have sat for a long time quietly at my side, has stood up and left away gently in gentle gift. I have not dared to see his expression, either, I say to him " I am sorry in the heart. " I am who likes gentle gift, but like imprisoning this in the heart. Afterwards, I would like to know his birthday is happy, I can not dare to ask anyone, I'm afraid who finds out I hide the secret of the bottom of heart deeply. Also, do not dare to speak with him. It is three years that we stay in a class, if say this is fate, and in fact the painstaking requirement too. While paying attention to the class in Senior Two's single cent, there is no gentle gift of speaking to me to ask me behind for a long time: "Your newspaper document, newspaper reason? " I bow and say: "I study the science. " I to want, study science wholeheartedly, I hate stop in the liberal arts recite ever. Moreover, this is the suggestion of father and family too. However, after I heard gentle gift say to classmates he thinks of the liberal arts of the newspaper, I have hesitated. Suddenly have a kind of separate forever feeling, this feeling twists my heart bit by bit. Till to now, first time has a sentimental attachment for a person like this. At that time appearing in the newspaper, I was chosen liberal arts, I wanted, just can see him every whole day, even if there are no languages between each other, I will be satisfied, but due to all sorts of accidental mishaps, when the teacher reads the unity and coherence in writing to choose, I hear gentle gift choose science, come back home, cry stealthily, the mood like whether one flower miss first season. Went to class the next day, sat in the classroom of the arts class silently in but gentle gift. Seeing him, I am that the ground is overjoyed just like that. I think, perhaps, he is who takes notice of me, but such a one likes not making noise, I do not still dare to speak with him, do not dare to meet the concern sight that he comes head-on. He has thought a lot of methods are close to me, has also finished changing numerous seats and sat to by me, but each time, I have a guilty conscience to avoid. I think I have injured him finally. I remember very clearly, on the last day of college entrance examination, finish taking an exam of the last subject, when I go out of and take part in the entrance exam of the school gate, in bustling with activity crowd, I see, stand he in the roadside at one glance. He sees my expression in one's eyes with having no differences in the dreams. He is looking at me like that, has been looking all the time. The heat of his expression in one's eyes lets me because fear to select the way and leave. I thought, can not give him a deep and serious commitment by oneself at that time, however, I forgot, this, we will not have it from meeting each other. Now. He appear in dream of me suddenly, alike in spirit to see I non- close while being close in eyes in worried resentment in the past with him suddenly, pester with me at the night, it is misted to let me fall into. Every dream, each time at night relative, will let I that wake up, remember, hide expression in one's eyes less than with every one that him own in common once, every sentence of dialogues that can be counted clearly. Every day, I hate to leave in the dream, this has hated to leave and is because of me and found the first feeling that I will not have in the dream, the truer this feeling is, the more I know my injury to the gentle gift originally. I am a realistic woman, I am clear what kind of two world dream and life are from, however, I am unable to control oneself to miss him. I want to see he, I want, say " I am sorry " when confronting him . It has already been wives of people's me, when work hard, on the day paying the husband each other and relying on every day, I felt more that initial concealed worry suddenly and cherished. Unless like that perfectly willing in each, wait what ask for,is it on society been really person can have. I am clear, what I cherish is exactly lost I. But I have no other the intersection of he and Italy too, I want to see he, hope, let one's own initial emotion can have a beautiful result. However, I do not know his whereabouts, in my memory, the stop press about him is taken an exam of the department of director of cinema college by him. The dream, is so pestering me ceaselessly, I wish eagerly to free. I am a woman with family after all, I love my husband. The gentle gift appears when my mood is unusually irritated and messy. He has found my unit. Wen Li says: "You should remember me. " Without pleasant surprise, it is shy not to have, I say in face of his sight: "Time have a good time soon. " This is true, we are all no longer children, the no longer worried resentment too of his sight, it is concerns that the ripe man people will have that he sees to my eyes. Stand in the intersection of unit and profound corridor, gentle gift say he can see article of me often, and known all of mine, including I graduate from the marriage between department of music, including me. I ask him to drop in family courteously, I say: "I am really very glad you can see me. " The gentle gift is said and has not needed, can see I live so well all right. While saying this sentence in gentle gift, elder brother that has not met of as if the care in his eyes. See the end of the corridor saying in gentle gift: "I come to Xi'an to shoot a film, will go back to the Northeastern native place tomorrow this time, there is a thing I have collected for three years, want to keep as a souvenir for you now. " Gentle gift speak sentence this, pass come over one the intersection of packaging and box in good order. I have not connected. Wen Li says: "Hold, this is that a plate has no process The hair of any copy is taken " "I do not have other meaning, just "Looking at me in gentle gift: "Just a bit persistent to the past event. " Send gentle gift downstairs, gentle gift say he take, come back to hotel, prepare for the walking of tomorrow. It see bus come gift on bus street,be be be turned round to say medded: "This one leaves, we will not meet again, I can Is that all right to embrace you? " I hesitate slightly, and then have him tightly. I have not gone home, in the hollow projection room of the unit, I have opened the box to me of the gentle gift, inside, except a record of belt, another piece pass paper that mould, copy before the 8 year such as I in conformity with to ask, write first lyrics of him to him above, he had keeping all the time unexpectedly. I have seen the belt, that is a cartoon. There are two protagonists in the film, one is schoolgirl Yu LiHong, another one is called Wen Li by the schoolboy. In the film, the schoolboy asks the schoolgirl to participate in his birthday party, the schoolgirl who pitches the long pigtail says to the schoolboy very superciliously: "I do not go. " The schoolboy goes to bow the head. For a long time, the schoolboy has stood up slowly, leave slowly. The film has used the exaggerative tactics at this hour, so quiet as to go to all sounds, only leave the heart that schoolboys flew out of the chest, leave in the sky fragily and fragily like falling like the glass, leave, reverberate for a long time. In the film, the schoolboy is pestering the teacher, ask again and again: "Teacher, ask you to talk to the school, transfer me from science class to the arts class. Teacher, I ask you " Every little bit, every lens is that he and I are co-owned. This lets truly, I, like once getting back to. And it was that the heart which the schoolboy receives after the cold reception again and again is wounded that I saw clearer and clearerly. We have had the most long-time dialogue too. That is next term of Senior Three. In the film, schoolboy sit, in by schoolgirl, sing the intersection of end and those lyrics of " dream wake up time " repeated --Some thing now such as you needn't ask,some people you needn't,etc.. The schoolgirl goes to turn over the head, this is a schoolgirl's the first time to speak with the schoolboy voluntarily. The schoolgirl says: "Don't sing, tune is wrong, I teach you how to sing. " Schoolboy: "Sure. " The schoolgirl but goes back on one's word at this moment: "Not all right now, wait for me to be free. " The schoolboy does not embarrass her either, say: "Then you help me to write the lyrics down first, OK? " The schoolgirl says: "OK. " The schoolboy sits to by the schoolgirl, finish the lyrics looking at a word and a word of hers. The film at this moment, in the sky, voice that turn on with the flower, gathers together the heart that the schoolboy already splashed everywhere together, fly back in the schoolboy's body again slowly. Lyrics that the schoolboy passed him the schoolgirl are easy to put into the jacket pocket to fold meticulously, say: "Do not really some people go etc. forever? " Thirsting for the answer in the eyes of the schoolboy. The schoolgirl says gently: "You needn't ask some things now. " That is really a dialogue of longest time of ours. Also the last time. In that dialogue, I had thinking all the time that will give him an answer after I grow up. But I was too innocent at that time, I forgot, we had only three years together, we can not grow up in these three years at all. Everything is true, only different one is, the schoolgirl in the film knows what is meant for them the time in three years. The schoolgirl accepted the schoolboy's love on last day before graduating. The ending of the film, schoolboy and schoolgirl have already become man and woman. At this moment, directors totally upset the times told at the beginning of the film background, have put the protagonists of men and women into in ancient times. The atmosphere that the director builds is typical the men plough and the women weave. In the film, man and woman wear body shirt and long skirt respectively. The man cultivates in the field, the woman is looking at the man sweating in the field outside the cabin of the edge of a field on one side, weaving cotton cloth on one side. The woman's face is full of the happiness. Ending: In the wheat field of the green, the man has the woman gently from behind. The man says: "I love you, it is unnecessary for a long time, whole life is enough. " My tears have fallen down. The modern one step is hasty,who to who it still pay for several time of three year? Used for waiting? Used for accepting the injury? I cry inquire gentle the intersection of gift and telephone number of hotel lived in, ask clear gentle room of gift, I have booked a birthday cake in a cake shop, have left the address of the gentle gift, then, I have gone to a teahouse, sit in front of the piano, put through the room telephone of the gentle gift with the mobile phone. I hear gentle gift slightly say on that end of the telephone a bit low-spiritedly: "Hello "I answer, play " dream wake up time " tearfully, thereafter, hanging wire gently. If this owes him the song in 8 years totally, can let him know my apology of the bottom of heart, my heart will be much more calm. In spring of another year, the daughter has been already two years old. She has turned over the belt to me of gentle gift from the cupboard, asks what I am. I say: "This is a film out of print. " The daughter wants to look, I shake the head, put back the belt to the original place gently. To film out of print, its audience should only have two people. After the gentle gift leaves, I have dream that has been no him. Have horrible nightmares and cry and shout waking up once in a while, it has already been in the husband's chest. To pat husband, different from gentle the intersection of gift and life in dream gather around, husband in pacify me gently diligently. But I care for the gentle gift either. I think man and should have more emotion between the woman all the time. There are positions in my mind of gifts as indicated, this position is very important, but have nothing to do with the love. My care to him is the kindred, it is that kind that although does not have blood relationship, have already formed the friendly feelings of justice on soul. To come and go, because of such care too gentle gift, he make great efforts, let one's own dream finish in reality with one's own way. He wants, just regarded as a ripe man in actual life, the life that can't be changed of going over for oneself draws a perfect period; What he pursues, a lot of adults do not dare to pursue --Without regret. I am who understands him, I always remember that sentence that he speaks in the film --Does not use it for a long time, whole life is enough. This whole life, not the commitment of each other between us, is our commitments to each marriage. Every one evening, saw husband and daughter sitting on the bed, waited on line for me and washed the foot for them, my heart is warm. If can give and wash the foot in whole life alone, it is not the love either. Realistic love. Transfer it to from medical network of Asia

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