Parents can not put down the figure falsely to communicate to make the child-parent education store the obstacle

Parents can not put down the figure falsely to communicate to make the child-parent education store the obstacle
This term, psychological teacher Mei XiaoQing of middle school in Da Tong confirms the theme of the psychological program of every week of TV station of the school as " The parent-offspring communicates " ,She is collecting the relevant movie TV materials busily with student of the psychological corporation for the moment.
" Consult student now by the ones most question,it is contacts are baffle, study pressure, emotion is puzzled, etc, because few people can not seek help to parents. But talk with students thoroughly, I find a lot of questions actually stem from the parent-offspring and link up the obstacle. " Help students to face the disharmonious factor in associating with parents, it is that it is designed that the plum is lush dawn " R The parent-offspring communicates " L Original intention of the program.
The communication of children and parents, very smooth on the surface, but not actually real, effective, profound communication. One is called " High school student and parents communication state research in the urban area of Shanghai " Investigation last a contradictory data each other: On one hand, 42% of the students think " L Parents are very willing with exchanging by oneself " ,31% of the students and parents " L Exchange every day " ,43% of the students talk about parents " L Heart listens attentively to the ability" ,The satisfaction to ones that exchange of the students among the parent-offspring is up to 86%; And on the other hand, 69% of the students think the communication with parents " L The obstacle exists " ,50% of the students feel " L Parents do not understand oneself very much " . The data of the contradiction indicate nowadays the parent-offspring of middle school student's family communicates and contains " The moisture " .
The communication of scratching the surface has no quality
Hosting of this research person, Chen Chong going to school in American Pennsylvania State University, one contains " L The moisture " R Communication call " L False to communicate " : " Only stay in the knowledge of trival matters of life, lack real thoughts communication, such communication has no quality. "
" L False to communicate " R It is not an specific phenomenon in middle school student's family. Some parents talk with children, the content is limited to inquiring study and daily life situation, do not touch children's heart, personality and psychological health problem that may be produced in the course that children grow up that do not pay close attention to the fact; And children can't replacement think understand, make allowances for parents, exchange with parents and get perfunctorily over often either.
" Can't neglect the danger of ' false communication '. " National outstanding psychological the intersection of worker and happy and American Cui psychology in she educate consult the office, receive an extremely sad mother recently. This mother came to Shanghai to start an undertaking with husband several years ago, a pair of children went to school of Shanghai to study successively too. The elder sister is clever and sensible, the achievement comes out at the top, the younger brother smashes the egg naughtily, can not study conscientiously. Then mother keeps the daughter at home alone, rent house near the son's school by oneself " L Accompany one's spouse who is studying abroad " . She makes the telephone to the daughter on time every day, inquire the study of one day, the situation lives. But such calmness break in Senior Two in the daughter, this mother received the telephone number suddenly one day: She daughter because of " L Fail in love " ,Swallow a bottle of sleeping pills and want to commit suicide, is rescuing in the hospital. Though daughter rescue, come back finally, psychological wound very difficult to comfort flat.
" The parent-offspring of the scratching the surface type exchanges, make this mother perceive the emotion crisis that the daughter faces in time, have no way of guiding and opening and solving even more. " Cui LeMei reminds parents to pay attention to the validity that the parent-offspring communicate, makes great efforts to understand the child's heart. " The high-quality parent-offspring can help children to grow up to communicate more smoothly. Can give them strong support too when the child suffers the setback. "
The parents of China can not often put down the figure
Child's achievement can not go up, detest and study, unsocial, some parents are dragging the child to seek help, the sentence of opening first is : " Mr. Cui, do you see whether my family child has questions? " L Cui LeMei deals with the method of this kind of consultation, it is to invite child, parents and teacher " R Hold the multilateral talk " . " Some parents look for the reason only from child, but seldom realize whether one's own attitude, method have a problem, also seldom care about the child's idea. " This kind of traditional home education way extremely conceited and occupying a commanding position, often initiate the child's disgust even antagonistic psychology.
" To whom will you meet the unhappy thing to tell? " Mei XiaoQing asks 40 in the class in the psychological consultation lesson A student. As a result, only one one expresses " L Will say to mother " ,Most students are more willing to exchange with classmates, the friend. " It is very important how parents listen attentively to the child. " L Mei XiaoQing thinks, " The parents of China exchange with child and can not often put down the body " It is very important how parents listen attentively to the child. " L Mei XiaoQing thinks, " The parents of China exchange with child and can not often put down the figure, the injunctive, preach type is very apt to let the child in adolescence produce and go against instead, this may cause ' false to link up ' a great reason. "
Some parents bother about, all to child's everything that dominates, in the plum is lush dawn seems, do it in this way, deprive freedom that child design life oneself actually, though original intention of parents to hope child avoid detours, make mistakes little, " But some have not personally made by mistake, very difficult to be realized. " Mei XiaoQing advises the middle school student's parents to believe children, goes all out to let themselves try to find out, experience appropriately.
The child's exchange demand is various in adolescence
" Mother has fallen ill, I who planned to take an exam of a good mark to let mother turn better with joy, another habitual ground examination ' crash '! Carrying anxiety and not fitting, I have gone home As soon as father sees me, father ask how well to take an exam of. I draw out the achievement form unwillingly, am gazing at father's face expression uneasily. As expected, it is that one is cursed roundly at once that he splits the cranium brain " This section of characters selects from a piece of random notes of the boy of a piece of Senior Two. Such a scene, such parent-offspring's relation, it is really ordinary however, we are very apt to read the child's helplessness and discontented between lines.
The research of a lot of domestic Xin Neo-Confucianism families is mentioned simultaneously, " Study, it is the most important and most content in the Chinese parents exchange with child " . In fact the child's psychological need is various in adolescence, if parents can't realize this, the communication among the parent-offspring will be probably offsetted.
The research report that Chen Chong offered reveals, are answering " L The content that wants to communicate with parents most " R At it is open in this for issue,student content filled out of 93% and " L Pay close attention to oneself " R Have something to do. Among them, " L The personal interest " R If you can't fill out, high after answering by proportioning most,for 21%, then" L Plan in life of future " R Sum " L Study, college entrance examination " R Wait for the topic. " L Can intend to find out about children's hobby, talk about the topic that they are interested in to children voluntarily " ,Such parents are the gladdest to talk targets of high school students. (Staff reporter Wang BaiLing )
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