A single woman's solitary story

A single woman's solitary story
I married on a sudden impulse 3 years ago in life, cooled and finished this marriage warmly two years later. The lesson of divorcing to me is to get married: Hereafter I will not say anything again --So long as how how is it will be better. How how is this always says that onlies want 5 million in me somewhat like some first prizes while al ways thinking, the result waits until when he is really 5 million but he is extremely irritated those persons taking money from special interests from all directions. So I say, people must not find sustenance hoping to a thing not coming on one's body, because that may be a beginning of other a irritated and very irritated life. I live in a house of 90 square meters alone now, I am usually facing toward the television in the evening, CHANNEL V not stopping on TV, then a glass of wine of my left hand, a telephone receiver of right hand, in the telephone is usually all some and my generally lonely person, the man, and these telephones usually all end up in vain after some time, the new telephone is sounded with again after a period of time, my single life has been continuing so all the time. The conclusion that I draw is now: One that is with one man get along how far you keep or close distance more, result their the same, the man will disappear automatically reach almost. A man and each one once in two weeks makes a phone with me all night at night, he is in Lhasa, I am in Beijing, what he used is the mobile phone, and I use the telephone of the family. He says extending endlessly in that side of the telephone, it is the unlikely thing that it is together that I know us, but even so I have thought of we two's thing attentively, just because has thought I want to know how much you plan to pay in I and this section of emotions of yours? I say half, you say the intersection of I and half the half that. I just saw at that time that a black songstress is singing the song with low-spirited hidden bitterne ss on TV, her big pink mout h seems to open a sad door, then I cry. I always express one's own emotion when being unseasonable, and always language fails to express the meaning. I hear that man in Lhasa saying at the other end of the telephone gently: Don't cry, don't cry Such atmosphere will let each think things be existed in the middle of us such as the love by mistake in people among them, more or less. He came to Beijing one month later, we sit and have a meal in the restaurant where the light flicker, the ding-dong of sound of musical instrument at one's side, beautiful stewardess' smile is cordial, but we see eye to eye. Where to begin does not know everything. I called all of my boyfriends and girlfriends after midnight that evening, we have looked for one of its noisy and incomparable bars and revelled all night, in order to avoid the awkwardness of that kind of two people, I would rather be lonely among a lot boring and hollow persons to die. The man in Lhasa sits among us courteously and gently, is drinking the wine of different colors quietly, smiling, is far looking at me. I far sit too, cast a look at him, then drink a wine. I want him to understand, this is my life, we are different. I was not then understanding suddenly until night, I was two so frightened person's face-to-face true life. I, at heart, can not stay with any man, no matter this is a good man, bad man. I fear and get now, as I feared in the past lost. The man in Lhasa stayed in Beijing later, had found a very good job, sometimes he will phone to tell me, say he has known a pretty good girl recently, feel all right, I say Oh, may you succeed and wish you a good time, Oh! Besides this, is it good that what I can say? Do I tell him that I lose very much? I has to transfer attention to the intersection of I and the the intersection of salary and ordinary the intersection of fashion and the intersection of magazine and editor at work after work lose. This job lets me fully temper one's own ability to plague with unreasonable demands ,I to speak and reveal one's feelings to people and thing that tired with smiles to everything that li ke in most great skill now. When I just entered the magazine office, the women of community of this magazine all ignored me, they like, sit, look on to me with a cold eye aside most, it seems, wait what joke does it think. One does not have all a face smile of theirs of interview of the meaning to say to me, you go. This kind of interview draft working hard but get little result can have and does not have and face t he destiny of being executed at any time usually, the result not having the draft is the basic wage that I can only get a little of me, I calculate, only enough money this I play 10 taxi, go three wine, left money just enough I take the intersection of meal and boxed meal that of will it be noon every d ay, arrive me to must generally make plan separately evening. Perhaps just thanks to this invisible pressure, I work energetically and pursue strongly for the livelihood unavoidably, make great efforts to write the other draft to other magazines, the ones that wrote the other draft are simultaneous I have known every personage, these people have provided various chances to earn money for me. Also thanks to them, I have houses of square 90 lived in today, though my ownership to this house has been only first-phase and 3 months by stages up till now. Though my work is kept constantly on the run, have brought transient glory to me too. For example I have also known a lot of celebrities and performing circle stars the middle working, I will often accompany them to have a meal, chat, even go shopping, buy the clothes in order to write an article eulogized to them, certainly they pour out common situation, I listen to qing, my attitude is good, radiant with smiles, no matter what surprising the world or thoroughly boring speech they have issued, I give them a word to respond, that is: OK! My payment for an article or book written and I come down so and lead the praise received there to be dire ctly proportional to gradually. But all bright the back of things has shade unavoidably. Once I make a phone call to a person who has ever interviewed because of a certain private reason, he is the identity of remembering me without the least hesitation there: Oh, are not you that small editor? This words let my heart be unable to put down for a long time, I remember Zhou Xingchi's " king of the comedy " of film, Cecilia Cheung is playing with inside to express and laugh at Zhou Xingchi bare-knuckledly: Ah, you are that that extremely played a bit role! --It die it - not run - imperial - set -. I find out, think once again the film once, while hearing this sentence, my heart quick acid has been lost. People and thing but life is putting on a false show of peace and prosperity inside as before silentl y lonely. Include unusually brilliant person and thing of all kinds inside my solitary life. I meet a lot of lovely men, they think too, I Very lovely, but otherwise they have already married and given birth to babies, or else just there is a girlfriend, this fault of them all, I unlucky. I have still met some and avoided the lovely man strongly, when I do not like answering them very much, they all take good care of me to the utmost; But when I begin to look out for them, but they run quickly, it seems extremely afraid. This has to let me introspect my own life such as first failed marriage of my, such as I being later many times transient and quick meteoric love, hey, reach me soon remember more. I usually hold a glass of wine when introspecting like this, not only a glass of wine, have much wine after the the wine, I it drinks to be sometimes can until drowsiness endlessly in this way. I was that then a cup is drinking collecting a cup one evening, but I was really a man that liked very much that I met one that evening, because I really have no idea to come out with the truth to him, I do not drink in death seriously. Drink, get I finally drunk finally, I begin to talk nonsense at the Luis that I went back in give by he, I tell him actually I have been in unrequited love with him, I say this is true, you write an article in 1998, sunk ship about one soon. These I remember I to say, laugh at, are saying I cry. This man was looking at me conscientiously at that time, I knew he believed my all these were true. But the thing is crossed later I will flatly deny, what is said? What I have talked about, I can remember nothing, what I have said, do you tell me? Man see me agree you remember all right, I reply the intersection of he and you remember? He says why I do not remember, I am not drunk! I feel this is very interesting, many things have been finished, but some things seem that just begin. Yes, their stories are all over, but mine has just begun, my story is long. (The net friend of Sina: Sell oneself and does not make a living as a performer)

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