Confession incompetent to the husband of a wife

Confession incompetent to the husband of a wife
I am an unfortunate girl, as I will come at that time of this world, but mother left me forever. Father aid North Korea and China, become disabled soldier in U.S.A. of resisting, he make a gift of me in being helpless. I am growing up in the life that is had to depend on for a living, sentimental and careful, melancholy but must improve oneself. The innocence that I do not have childhood, does not have youthful dream, only the countless certificates of merit from primary school to middle school give me a bit consolation. From fine student to good worker and then to good cadre, the intersection of marriage and age very fast I. The leader is the matchmaker who I became, the marriage partner is a cadre of another factory, and an introversive person too. I it takes a fancy to hes to be whether pieces of tobacco and wine does not dip in, dance, it plays mahjong to be really people, marry him. I give birth to a son, live very steadily in life after marriage. We never quarrel, is always courteous. We leave together while going to work, he says one sentence of at the time of departure: Take care. After he enters the room, say one sentence while coming off duty: I have come back. Persevere for ten years as if it were one day like this everyday. He does one's duty industriously, always vies for doing house work, two people are talking about the matters about the factory while doing house work, there is a difficulty that pours out each other at work, sleep after studying the business or watching TV respectively in the evening. Life is so dull and quiet, do not have rippling lake like one. From getting married to now, we never kissed and embraced stroking, did not say " I love you " . Never flirt and have a joke, weekly sexual life, routine business, there are not speeches that have no language, passionate and subdueing soul even pleasant sensation, it is as mechanical as working to make love. We are all group's cadres, the thought is orthodox, never discuss the sexual behavior between men and women, do not exchange the experience of making love either. Because there is no fun in daily life, without feeling of freshness, there is no enthusiasm in the sexual life, he has no longer erected gradually, the sex demands not to have at one o'clock. I am very worried, run into the lens that men and women kissed while watching TV I am seen by him, he says coldly: "It is not sanitary to kiss, that is acting in a play. " I require him to embrace me, he says: "How embracing? It is dull. " I say: "You get impotence, see a doctor. " But he says: "What treats there is this, I am unwilling at all with the relation happen to you, is not it so good now? Worked as each other a friend has calculatedded. " I always can't fall asleep, is looking at the asexual husband sleeping soundly without love whenever the night comes, I am sad to shed tears. I find I need touching and love, it is caressed that I am scarce from childhood, how to need someone to love me, even if and I draw and shake hands to embrace the shoulder is good. But he does not understand these, even the sexual life which we had once had does not know either when and where to disappear silently. Perhaps the personality of my introversion can not light his desire fire, perhaps he has too cold and detached to need enthusiasm natural disposition, also perhaps he has got the disease with cold impotence and sex. I remember a sentence of lines in a film: "Alive like draught animal. " But I am not as good as the draught animal, draught animal's sexual function at least, but my husband does not have. A husband without sexual desire looks like a withered well of the wife's, I will so wither in this well. I fall ill constantly, and one's own sexual desire do, struggle, dare, hand over to the intersection of opposite sex and friend, fear and can not keep oneself. I am being constrained constantly, will warn oneself, will make the happy appearance in front of child and stranger. But how agony it will be heart of me, I hope, become first real woman more. I want to tell girls not getting married yet, will open the gate of the love soon when being in love, the optimistic and responsible boyfriend is a prerequisite with happy marriage to look for a enthusiasm; Want, throw to sexual life into filled with ardour and sincerity after not getting married, can make love and sexual desire run off slowly while being passive dull cold and detached uninteresting.

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